December
14
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This Book Lover’s Secret by Sandy Otto
Dear Nerdy Book Club family,
I have a secret.
You are the first people I’ve admitted this to.
My own children don’t love reading.
How did this happen, you might ask?
I’ll go back to the beginning…
I read to my children ever since they were babies. Board books, soft book, flap books, noisy books, and funny books with bright colors. We graduated to beautiful picture books with messages of love, kindness, and friendship. Then came the chapter books like Magic Tree House, Judy Moody, Junie B. Jones, Series of Unfortunate Events, Chronicles of Narnia, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
We read each day of our summer vacations. Reading books we chose, getting lost in the pages. Reading mattered in our household.
My son read the Inheritance Cycle series, every Rick Riordan book, and devoured The Maze Runner on a summer trip to visit my parents in Arkansas. He and I had a love affair with Harry Potter, attending the Midnight Magic Party at Barnes and Noble on July 21, 2007: two of the first to get our hands on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I’ll forever cherish those memories, and adore J. K. Rowling.
With my daughter, it was the Twilight series. I read them first, and would pass them to her. We watched the movies together many times (the books were better). Yes, I was a “Twi-mom.” She read widely and enjoyed choosing books from my classroom library.
Somewhere between my son starting high school and my daughter starting middle school, reading became something they only did for school. They were no longer given time in school to read or given much choice in what they read. They often didn’t enjoy the books they were assigned to read.
This came at a time when extracurricular activities became a bigger part of their lives.
How ironic that my children’s reading interest declined just when I was evolving as a teacher who valued choice and providing class time to read. A teacher who began reading more YA than ever (40-50 books each summer). A teacher who nurtured students’ reading lives and worked hard to help them become wild readers. My own children and I were moving in opposite directions.
It’s not like I didn’t see it. I would come home with an exciting new book (or two…or ten) from the library (or delivered by Amazon). Instead of excitement about the opportunity to read the books before I shared them with my students, I heard expressions of “Another book, Mom? You read all the time.” Not said in admiration, but often with disdain.
My reading hobby had become something that took time away from my children, instead of something shared with my children.
A little piece of my heart was breaking.
Yes, I poured my energy into creating lifelong readers out of my students each year. However, I never gave up on my own two children.
In recent years, I shared my excitement over the books I read, reveling over their exciting storylines. Hoping that they might find one or more of them interesting enough to read.
I book talked with my daughter’s friends when they came over or when we carpooled to dance. I enjoyed inspiring their reading lives, hoping some would rub off on my daughter. I shared the synopsis of the books I ordered from Amazon or checked out from the public library: hoping one might capture their attention. I shared books my students loved, hoping that they might be more interested in other students’ favorites.
I’ve learned that there’s no guarantee that our habits will become our children’s habits. Many of you talk and write about the rich reading lives of your children: how you read the same YA lit, and how you can share book love with each other.
I hope that my children return to the wonderful world of reading. However, for now, I am fulfilled by being their reading role model.
I was the first to read to them. I turned the pages (and let them turn the pages), changing my voice to match the characters. I read their favorites over and over again, marveling at their excitement each time they got to a favorite part.
However, I don’t want to force reading. I want them to love it as much as I do. I want them to make reading a part of their life. Reading for pleasure. Yes, they do read in many different ways (texts, blogs, Twitter stories, Facebook posts, video game text, etc.).
But the act of opening up a book that they chose to read simply for the fun of it? That’s what I wish for them.
Recently, my son’s girlfriend turned him on to a science fiction book that I hadn’t read (and one that he liked). Another friend gave him a copy of Eragon, which he read a while ago but wants to read again.
As for my daughter, she read The Fault in Our Stars, Thirteen Reasons Why, and loved The Outsiders. Just a few weeks ago, she asked me about “that book you loved about the two kids who met on the bell tower ledge, ready to kill themselves.” Yes, she was talking about one of my recent favorites, All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. She knew how much I cried over that one. Unfortunately, one of my students was reading my copy, but I was excited when my they finished it yesterday. Maybe this will be THE book that gets her back into pleasure reading. Maybe the magic will return.
My children are 14 and 18. There’s plenty of time for them to rediscover the joy of reading. I was their first reading mentor, and I will continue to model book love. There’s no way I can turn that off.
There.
Now you know my secret.
Sandy Otto is a 6th grade English teacher at Maple Grove Middle School in MN, and has taught for 22 years. She is a voracious reader, and loves being a connected educator. You can follow Sandy on Twitter @sandyrotto and can read her blog http://ottogoingagainstthegrain.blogspot.com/
Nerdy Book Club 
Got a smile on my face after I read this post. Like you said, they are still quite young. I myself got into reading when I was a bit older as well. But even if they don’t – as long as they’re happy, right?
Sadly I had the same experience with my two. Middle School and then High School turned them off to reading, while I, as a Middle School teacher with nearly 2000 novels in my classroom, was turning on hundreds of teens to the joy of reading, The differences? Choice, and great books available. Now they are both adults. My son reads a lot – but never novels. And my daughter is a Middle School teacher herself, but reads only on occasion. But she encourages her students to be readers (she has many of the books I had before I retired).
Thank you for sharing! I found this blog recently due to my research to prove how “Lexile-based required reading” contributed to my son’s lost desire to read for pleasure (he is a junior and scoffs when I encourage him to read beyond his school requirements; we enjoyed many of the books you mentioned.). My daughter is in 6th grade and has just entered the “Lexile-level” world. But getting on a soapbox embarrassed her, so I am taking time to quietly research. I encourage her to read whatever she wants, in addition to her school requirements – and oh, the hours I spend trying to find books she will like to meet those! I realize technology plays a part, as well as individual personalities, but I am so dicouraged that the love of reading may not be lifelong for them as it is for my husband and me. I don’t feel alone in my struggle and appreciate your transparency, thank you.
*discouraged (ugh, phone typing)
Your children will return to reading because you made it a value in your family. I have two girls, one always was a reader, but she has seasons of reading. When she recently got engaged to a non reader, I was concerned. No need, she kept reading. My other daughter never read as a youngster because she is extremely dyslexic. But as an adult, she reads all the time. I believe that this is because her father and I valued reading so much. Good post!
Your piece today resonated with me because I, too, am a voracious reader and read to my children from the time they were born. We have a bookcase in nearly every room of our house and I am a school librarian. My daughter will occasionally pick up a book, but my son does not choose to read at all during his free time. I’m hoping now that my daughter is graduating from college she may find more time to read. My son is a junior in high school and I’m not giving up hope on him, either.
My sons were exactly the same. I wouldn’t have said that they disliked reading, it’s just that their lives got so busy there was hardly time for reading (or so they thought). Now that they are in college, they are once again returning to fiction reading. The hard part is their reading diet has changed. It’s a rare book that we share now. They are off reading things that young adult men enjoy, which I have to say is great. They are decidedly becoming readers for themselves. Something I believe will continue. Don’t worry – There is hope!!
And here I thought I was the only one! Every so often a good book will catch my kids’ interest, but for the most part I am on my own.
So for my part, I have to just hope that the right book or the right teacher will come their way to reignite that love.
A girl can dream.
I also have a 14 year old daughter and an 18 year old son and I could have written this post. Thanks for sharing. Glad you were willing to “confess”; a glance at the comments reveals you (and I) are not alone!
Hi Sandy — Thanks for sharing your story! I totally related. I’ve found that my kids are much more likely to read a book that a friend recommends to them rather than one I do as Mom. This was the inspiration for me to start a social network for kid readers – Bookopolis.com – that is like a Goodreads for kids under 13. Your kids are old enough to be on Goodreads or Shelfari or Instagram, but younger readers show the same tendency to listen to peers. Would love for you to check out Bookopolis with your 6th graders. Keep up the inspiring work.
I hear you! My kids are second language learners who had a really rough childhood before joining our family. They have a lot more in common with my struggling readers than most people would expect. My daughter emulates me as much as possible, so she is persevering in learning to read and really wants to be seen as a reader. She’s behind, but working hard to catch up. Our son is older, but even further behind in his literacy, and has a lot getting in his way. Still, he loves stories and enjoys being read to, so I’m still holding on to hope for him as well. There are a lot of things I can let go of as a parent, but the idea of having kids who don’t like reading is really painful!
My children are all in their thirties, and their reading habits, like all other aspects of their lives, have changed again and again. Two out of three are once more book-addicted, and the third can take it or leave it. But I notice that the room she’s fixing up for her first baby already has bookshelves. ..
Thank you for writing this, there is so much that rings true in it. As a middle school teacher, I have seen mnay students interest in reading decline because of the very reasons you mentioned – required reading of a novel in English class, teachers that do not give students time to read a book of their choice in class, an increase in the amont of homework, increase in amount of time spent in extracurricular activities, and less free time. It is important for others to know that just becasue you support and encourage reading in your students, it does not necessarily mean your own children are voracious readers. It is something that will help you relate to the parents of your students, when they tell you their child does not enjoy reading.
Thank you for encouraging free choice reading your students, I did the same with my classes. It was so gratifying to see an entire class reading, sharing their books with each other, and being disappointed when reading time was over. If only more teachers saw the benefit of doing this, imagine what could happen,
Thanks for this post, Sandy! I so connected to it! I have been an avid reader all my life. I read to my two boys every day when they were younger. Sadly, as teens (15 and 17) neither of them are “readers”. They enjoy being read to (still!) but only read when they “have to” at school. It breaks my heart! I still keep trying and am holding out hope that one day they will love to read as much as I do! Thanks for your honesty! It’s nice to know I’m not alone!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. You are a great role model. I have thousands of books at home however it is not enough to change the tide for my teens. I’ve read to them since they were in the womb and slowly middle school took hold with few to no opportunities for choice or classroom reading. I don’t get discouraged and try to engage when opportunities arise especially around their friends. Unfortunately not every child will find the magic in books that will make reading a considered hobby.
I have a 17 year old who has just become a genuine, grown-up book lover. It fills me with joy to see him. On the other hand, my fourteen year old daughter just doesn’t get it. I had to bribe her to read Sense And Sensibility and she said it was ‘alright’.
They are ours but they are not us. They will know that their Mother is a book-lover. They will read books for their little ones. Eventually, they will follow us.
I’ve been looking for a good book that will make me bawl like a baby, how is that book All the Bright Places? Sounding intriguing by your daughters quick inquiry!
Life goes in cycles, not just for us adults. I think sometimes we forget that. Don’t be too discouraged, they are in a new cycle, but the enjoyment and the habit of reading will return in a different season of their life. How do I know? My children were the same way, now with children of their own I am thrilled to see how much they are sharing the joy of reading with my grandchildren. So take heart, you gave them a wonderful foundation on which to build their future.
My hubby hadn’t read but a handful of books since college. He had retired and said he was bored. I handed him the book I had just finished, Violet Wings by Victoria Hanley, a wonderful author. He loved it but freaked out that “it just ended”. It’s a series, sweetie, welcome to my world. He has read almost ever day since, and that has now been seven years. I’m now a retired elem librarian, and my new job is “book pusher”. I ask everyone I meet what they are reading and what they like. Most of the time I can recommend another book they might enjoy. There is still hope…always!
I understand your secret and have told the same story of my own children many times! My “children” are now 29 and 31 years old and I can tell you truthfully that they DO return to reading. We lay the foundation and it’s still there, sometimes buried deep, but waiting to surface when they finish school years. Thank goodness!