July
15
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Confessions of a Reading Mom by Jodi-Beth Moreno
My fellow book lovers, I have a confession to make. I am failing and I am failing miserably. I am not sure how this happened, and I don’t think I have ever felt more ashamed, but I have a “resistant” reader in my house. I know what all the research says, and I have spent years turning other people’s children into voracious readers, but somehow, I have left my own child floundering in the wind with a mediocre attitude toward books.
My oldest daughter would rather do anything than read. I have tried not making it a big deal, I have tried making it a big deal, I have read with her, I have left her alone, I have taken her to book festivals, I have talked to her about my own reading life, she’s met awesome authors, and still…nothing. During the school year, I was able to combat the reading resistance with audio books on our commute to and from school; Fish in a Tree by Linda Mullaly Hunt was a real hit. (She is still asking me if I had a wooden nickel day or a silver dollar day when I get home from work.) The confusing thing is that when she reads a good book, she can’t stop talking about it and I know she truly enjoys a great story; however, it isn’t often that she will choose to read in her free time. Is it laziness? Is it the distraction of technology? Is she just one of the children I won’t be able to help? How did she go from reading a book a day to a few books a year? It must be more than just the increased length of the books, but I can’t put my finger on it. These are the questions that plague my mind on a regular basis, but even more so now that the long, drawn-out days of summer are upon us.
I miss the days when she would beg for a bedtime story. We would read The Berenstain Bears over and over again, until I grew tired of my favorite bear family who “lived down a sunny dirt road deep in Bear Country.” We read more and more until I grew resistant to Pretty Salma and her grandmother’s song, became frustrated by Pinkalicious and her silliness, and downright annoyed with Dr. Seuss. Yup, I said it. The only character who survived the bedtime routine with my affinity for her still intact was the fabulous Fancy Nancy and her friend Bree. They are adorable! But I digress. The point is that she couldn’t get enough of her favorite stories and now she can’t be bothered. Well, she can be bothered with Diary of a Wimpy Kid and most graphic novels which I am thankful for, but no other titles catch her eye. How did we get here? What else can I do to help her as she becomes more independent? She is eleven years old and the bedtime story approach doesn’t seem to intrigue her anymore, nor does this busy season of life often allow time for it, but maybe we should go back to basics.
I want so badly for her to have a full reading life. The reader in me, the teacher in me, and most importantly, the mother in me, can’t go down without a fight. A well-intentioned, research-based fight, of course.
Jodi-Beth Moreno has been an English Language Arts and Reading teacher for 12 years in districts across the Rio Grande Valley region of Texas. She currently is an ELAR Specialist servicing secondary educators throughout the area. She’s a Harry Potter fan, a card-carrying member of the Backstreet Army, an avid reader, and a fan of all passionate educators and authors. You can connect with her on Twitter: @JodiBethMoreno where she is always willing to talk books.
If she’s happy to be reading “most graphic novels,” she’s reading. Just because our kids don’t love to read what we love to read doesn’t mean we haven’t been successful in imbuing a love for story in them. My daughter grew up to be a person who loves reading short stories (something I rarely read). I’m happy she reads for pure pleasure.
This is exactly what I thought on reading this post, Linda. My 9 year-old daughter is an avid reader of graphic novels and notebook novels, neither of which is really my thing. But as long as she is reading what she loves, I am happy.
Jodi-Beth, what I would do is buy her (or encourage her to borrow) more graphic novels. I agree with Margaret below, too, that your daughter will get there one day. Thanks for sharing your experience!
I too. Never fear. It will happen. For my son it was Calvin and Hobbes. Then magazines. Then Hardy Boys. But not until 6-7 grade!
I’ve had three daughters. They are now grown and entering parenthood. When we hit the eleven year old preteen stage, my daughters were looking for who they are, not who I am. They wanted to be themselves and pretty much denied everything I found pleasure in. You have to let go. They do come back to you, but usually under their own terms, as their own selves. I feel your post is about more than just reading. Your daughter is becoming someone. You will both be happier if you let go and let her. She’ll surprise you one day, but it may not be until she is reading to her own child.
I absolutely agree with all three of you!.
It’s so important to allow children to find themselves and explore who they are outside of their parents world.
I loved that my son went through a menga stage. I bought him classics in menga and he loved them. He read them from cover to cover several times.
For my students, novels in verse help bridge the divide between graphic novels and “regular” novels. The storyline goes quickly, but there’s some really great substance too.
My daughter went through this and now on the other side we have discussed it. She says she had to get to the point where she could read the books she was interested in. I suggest speaking with a librarian that focuses on YA lit for suggestions. If you need an awesome department, check out the Daniel Boone Regional Library in Columbia, MO! She will get there, these are growing years in many ways, and it is much different to go through as a mom than a teacher. You are doing awesome because you are trying. That’s all we can do. She sees you read. She will find it again.🙂
All 3 of my girls were avid readers and then slowed down during high school. They still love to read and get right back to it during vacations and summer breaks. I think there is a lot goin on in those teen years but have faith, she may circle back around. The foundation for the love of reading has been established.
As an avid reader myself, this is exactly how I feel about my son. My daughter also has a deep love for reading but no matter how hard I try, I can’t bring him around. I’ve tried graphic novels, suggested other genres, taken trip after trip to the bookstore. Nothing has worked so far. This really began for him around 3rd grade when all of a sudden his outside reading choice wasn’t his own but had to come from required reading list or had to be a certain level book. He picked a book he wanted to read and was told no by a teacher. It feels like this type system at school squashed his love of reading. I’m at a complete loss what to do about it. He’s 12 now.
Reading comes in phases…
Keep modeling your life.
She will grow into it.
If she is introverted, she will use reading to recharge. If she is extroverted, she will need a social context to recharge when she’s reading. She may be a kid who likes to DO exciting things with other people rather than READ about these things. Pair her adventures with nonfiction info and fiction that relates.
The biggest thing is to let her be her own person and do reading her way. Teen daughters have to define their differences with their mothers. My daughter didn’t want to be me. Just celebrate her, keep it positive, show her that reading can satisfy her curiosity. Applaud her choices… relax. She will be fine!
Some kids find reading to be quite hard and their brains find it challenging in a way that makes reading a chore rather than fun. I have two daughters and one can read for hours and one can’t sustain her reading attention for more than half an hour. She recently told me she finds reading “hard” and that her mind wanders and ultimately it’s not as rewarding as more physical and energizing activities. The fact that she listened to the audio books makes me wonder if she finds stories more accessible in an audible format instead of looking at a wall of text. But I do believe that kids learn by example and that if you and others in the house model reading as entertainment then it’s likely that she will come to it at her own pace. . .
I have some ideas for interactive activities while she is reading. If she makes the reading an interactive one (either with friends or with art, writing, or performing) she may be more inspired to choose to read more often
Jodi-Beth, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you! I am so glad you posted this. I’m an author and a voracious reader and a library assistant, and sometimes I don’t know what to make of my 12-year-old twins’ reading habits. Here’s what I’ve been trying: just acting as if they are fundamentally, unquestionably Readers, whether or not they’re reading much at the moment. I always invite them with me to the library, discuss and describe scenes from MG books I’m reading with them, beg them for opinions on anything they read “so I know what’s good”, let them stack Big Nate books they’ve already read a dozen times over the top of whatever award-winning books I picked out in hopes they’d want them. And when they do pick something up (like my daughter devoured A WOLF CALLED WANDER), I am all ears when she wants to tell me what she liked about it.
I think your daughter is lucky to have you caring about this. I bet everything you are doing and have done has made a difference to her reading life.
My daughter wasn’t an avid reader, either—until she graduated from college. Now 41 and an elementary teacher herself, she loves to read with her students and does a good job of promoting all kinds of literature. She has 8-year-old twins of her own, one of whom loves to read, the other not so much. She is in a book club if her own, and will choose reading over any other activity in her down time. I guess my point is, we have to let our kids be themselves.
As someone who is a generation older than you are, your daughters a. eleven, which means she is trying to build an identity separate from yours and b. Reading graphic novels, which is very much reading. Stop your own negativity and ask her to tell you about her favorite graphic novels. She could be your guide to some great reading.
I’m so glad I’m not alone! As an English teacher & a great lover of books, I read to my children all the time!! But now neither of them chooses to read on their own!! What to do? What to do?
I hope your daughter gets to meet Lynda Mulally Hunt. She’s a great speaker! My kids are the same as yours and I’m a book blogger, so it’s just like “the cobbler’s kids have no shoes.” I found that graphic novels were a hit especially Raina Telgemeier’s books for my daughters. I also found that taking them to shop for books gave reading a little bump in enthusiasm. Same for going to author events.
But now that my oldest is 19, I found that they find their own way. She’s a voracious reader when she finds a book that she likes (which is not an easy feat but she does seek out books on her own). It turns out that my daughter likes nonfiction … Malcolm Gladwell was an author that really got her excited to read. She’s currently reading a book about a fashion streetwear brand and how it got started and she is asking for more books like it. I don’t think there are though…
I think that you are doing the right thing to keep trying new things to get her interested in reading. It will eventually work out!
Thank you for writing this blog! I am a mother of 2 boys and an elementary school teacher. I’m in a similar situation. My husband and I have read nightly to both our boys since they were babies. My eldest had always enjoyed being read to (and still seems to), but not so much on his own. He says that it helps when I read to him; he can better understand the content and we can have those deepened conversations together that allows him to process the book and retain the info (he is open to doing this with me still). But, when left on his own, he struggles, couldn’t be less interested and finds reading to be a chore. My youngest likes Minecraft Zombie books and other graphic novels. He is stubborn to any other genre (at home anyway). I was actually my son’s 2nd-grade teacher last year and he LOVED listening to books (any genre) and would actively participate in discussions. He was a great thinker! But, at home, nah. He just wants to be read to. Maybe it’s more relaxing?? Reading should be enjoyable, so I guess I need to let go of the expectations and putting pressures on my boys (easy to do when you are a teacher) and just read to them. For fun. They like it and I love it, so why not?
Not much new to add, other than part of parenting is letting them go. My daughter grew up in a house with books in nearly every room, and she had a run of the shelves. Like other commenters mentioned, my daughter hit that pre-teen/middle school period and was vocal in her dismissal of reading. She didn’t want to read herself. It didn’t stop us from reading, and we kept going. I kept book talking! We read out loud to her when asked and, on a lucky day, she asked if she could stay up and keep reading because we’d hooked her on a story. Now, at almost 18 guess what she does? She will go find a book, share what she’s reading and, even ask me for book recommendation once in a while. Don’t beat yourself up … you haven’t failed.
As a teacher myself I know the feeling of frustration. I get frustrated with my 11 year old son who has repeatedly gotten mediocre grades in reading. This to me is frustrating because I know he is great at reading and loves reading. For many kids I think it is the interest level if they are uninterested they will not read a given book (in my son’s case passages). I take solace in the fact that I know my child loves to read. Many times my son will just read gaming books or reread old books that are his favorites, that works for me! When your daughter does read, she loves it!I think it’s about finding books that she will enjoys that is key to her love of reading!
Hang in there! My kids, now grown, enjoy reading although not to the voracious level that I do. They went through various stages as they grew older, were influenced by friends, and definitely found it harder to read for pleasure with their intense work demands in middle and high school. One thing I discovered was that they both needed vision therapy to improve their visual motor integration. My son’s reading habits changed dramatically after that, and they continued to ebb and flow depending on stage of life. Another friend’s 11-year-old has just been diagnosed with a subtle form of dyslexia that has been masked by his high intelligence and coping strategies. It is amazing how some kids have underlying learning differences that can be challenging to detect.
Mom, you are in dangerous territory. The more you try to MAKE your eleven year old daughter do something, the more she will question its value. She’s already a reader–or so you said. Why are you critical of her taste in books? Kids will come back if you continue as a valued role model. You’ve set your child on a great path, now TRUST her to grow into her own pattern of reading. Smart kids in middle and high school nowadays have so much reading assigned, in addition to their extra-curricular activities, that they sometimes don’t have the time for pleasure reading. I’m a retired middle/high school English literature and composition teacher, as well as the mother of 3 grown and married daughters. I know that they love books, but they are professionals who don’t always have time to read novels (two dentists and a lawyer). They always take books with them on vacation!
I know my kid is really young still, but he’s 6 and claims he hates reading. Don’t know what to make of it.